Asian Americans, Native Hawaiians & Pacific Islanders
AANHPI stands for Asian Americans, Native Hawaiians, and Pacific Islanders. AANHPI encompasses diverse groups of people with origins from various countries in Asia, Hawaii and the Pacific Islands. The AANHPI community includes folks with diverse cultural, ethnic, and linguistic backgrounds. There are never-ending distinctions between groups and subgroups within the AANHPI community. We are not all the same!
However, there is one particular similarity that we share: the stigma associated with seeking mental health services. Keep in mind that I cannot speak to everyone’s experiences. I have worked with Asian Americans who have felt a tremendous amount of shame for seeking mental health services. Often times, they have internalized their symptoms and challenges as character flaws. They say, “I tried to get better by myself but I just can’t.” Or they say, “Something’s wrong with me because I can’t stop crying.” By the time they call to set up an appointment, their symptoms have worsened and impacted their job or academic performance, relationships and their self-esteem.
As if stigma wasn’t enough, we also face a ton of contradicting pressure. Our parents expect us to go above and beyond in school and not hang out with friends or have a partner. We must become doctors, lawyers, or software engineers so we can be happy. You can’t cry in front of people because it shows weakness. We have to cry alone in our bedrooms, much like most of our parents. We are expected to live at home until we’re married in order to save money. Oh and we’re also are expected to marry another Asian (yes I said it)! Well, what if you want something different?
What if you desperately want to quit your boring, toxic high-paying job? What if you don’t want to go into the medical field, instead your passion is in the creative arts? Maybe being a lawyer wasn’t what you expected it to be? How can you be miserable if you’re making a lot of money? Everything looks good on the outside like people think you have your sh*t together but you feel anxious or even depressed most of the time. They don’t see the vulnerable moments like when you cry alone in your bedroom.
Let’s try another scenario: You’ve been dating people of different races and ethnicities and have guarded your love life from your family. As a teen, you used to make up lies in order to date. Now, as an adult, the lies are harder to keep up. Your partner asks, “Why haven’t I met your parents yet? You’ve met mine.” You make up excuses for a few months but eventually your partner grows tired of them. This creates tension in the relationship and now you’re faced with telling your parents that you love someone who’s not Asian or someone that doesn’t meet their ridiculously high expectations.
What if you’ve been called “too emotional or too sensitive” your entire life. Your parents think you’re not able to handle whatever life throws at you. You do your best to “toughen up” and not show your feelings but every once in a while, you can’t bear these feelings anymore. You burst into tears or have something similar to a panic attack at work, in your car, or at Target! It always comes out at the wrong time, doesn’t it? Now you believe that you don’t know how to “control” your emotions and that your family was right all along- you are too sensitive. You can’t tell anyone about your sensitivity, anxiety, or depression. Your parents don’t even believe that anxiety and depression are real issues.
If any of these scenarios feel familiar, then let’s talk! You are certainly not alone. And yes, anxiety and depression are treatable. There is nothing wrong with you. You probably don’t believe me but you also want to stop this cycle of self-blame. You’ve tried to stop it yourself multiple times but you just don’t know how. You’ve looked into therapy before but you thought that it’s only necessary if you’re in a really bad place. And you’re not there yet. I get it. Although, I encourage you to seek help before it gets worse. Think of it as preventative care, kind of like how you see your primary care doctor once a year for a check-up. We should normalize going to therapy so we can break the generational message that seeking help equates to weakness.